It’s amazing to think that up until just a few short months ago I was sitting in a classroom studying my little heart out. Now, I am sitting at home patiently waiting for the next phase of my life. But the learning is not over yet. Even while I’m at home, walking around the town where I live, I keep on learning. I’m learning about patience, about love and heartbreak (vicariously, of course), about how idle hands make for boring days but leave the possibility for fun adventures.
The problem is that I’ve been conditioned (or I’ve conditioned myself) to believe that in order to have those fun adventures you need to have someone to enjoy them with. Unfortunately, most of my friends are off at school and the ones that aren’t work all day. I used to think that I would be okay being a total loner. Maybe the truth is that I just don’t know how to tell people I need them. I’ve had friends throughout my life that have told me they are convinced that they need me more than I need them. That I, in fact, do not need them at all. I try and try to point out otherwise, but I’m not so good at the whole putting feelings and thoughts into words thing.
So today I decided to attempt a solo outing. I drove out to a park and got out to walk around for a bit. I was about to up a curb when I saw a group of friends laughing as they carried items for picnic their other friends had set up a few steps ahead. I hesitated mid-step and wound up loosing my balance, falling straight on my butt. One of the girls from the group saw me and ran over to see if I was okay. The fall didn’t hurt, but the fact that a stranger was helping me while I was alone was so touching that tears sprang to my eyes. As the girl helped me up and asked if I was okay, they spilled over as a lie fell from my lips. I smiled, thanked her, and while I ignored the tears I walked away.
My life lesson? Find people in every aspect of your life that you can call on a whim to hang out. Finding those people will facilitate your happiness, your ability to be okay with who you are. But, at the same time, you don’t need those people 24/7. You need to know that you can rely on yourself when needed. Just don’t forget to watch your step when you are near a curb.
Currently watching Supernatural. Incidentally where you can also learn many other critical life lessons!